I want to believe it is muscle gain because I have been working out with weights and doing some strenuous workouts with my legs but it more than likely is water retention. I can tell because my knees and ankles are swollen. Although they tend to swell every day do to the inflammation from arthritis.
So how did I get so obese you ask? Well let me think....EATING, NOT EXERCISING, yea that would be the biggest reason but there are some other things that have played into the whole issue such as low self esteem, lack of motivation, feelings of failure, fear of the unknown just to name a few. Let me share a bit of my life history, although not the blame for everything, it has played a huge role in where I am today.
As far back as 8 years of age I can remember being put on a diet. Yes I distinctly remember my pediatrician telling my mother that I was fat and needed to be on a diet. So home we went and I was not allowed snacks not even fruit. I only ate three small meals. I distinctly remember my portions were much smaller than my siblings and I always left the table feeling deprived. I wasn't mind you but I thought I was and that is when I started sneaking food and hiding it in my closet. OK being super transparent here, I literally would wait till my parents went to bed and would sneak to the kitchen take food and then hide it under my toys. Now don't think badly of my parents! They were doing what the doctor said to do. Back then you didn't go against what doctors told you to do. I DO NOT BLAME MY PARENTS AT ALL!
I remember very clearly one time at school, I was in 3rd grade and I had chosen a sandwich for lunch and part of the bread had fallen off. When I asked the lunch aid to get a new one I was told, "Do you really need it? Maybe if you wouldn't eat so much you wouldn't be fat!" REALLY? Hello, it was just the top of my sandwich I wasn't asking for another sandwich! Needless to say another blow to my self esteem...she said this loudly in front of the whole cafeteria!
I also went through a few years where I was being molested by neighborhood boys and a family friend. I never told anyone about it till I was a teenager but by then it had ended (we moved to a new city). But the damage was there. I began eating all the time to hide my depression and through therapy have realized that by gaining weight I was hiding from being hurt by men. The whole "if I'm fat they won't want to touch me" thought process was there although not revealed to me until I went through a period of counseling.
Through my preteen and teen years I continued to struggle with weight gain and would start a new diet and then quit. I think I have been on every kind of diet there has been. Into my adult life and I have continued to struggle. Through the years I have failed to lose weight and keep it off always gaining what I lost and more back. I have struggled with a low self esteem and feelings of failure in this area of my life for over 34 years. Thankfully God placed my husband into my life who saw past my 'fat walls of protection," fell in love with me and we now have been married for 15 years, have had 5 children and are still in love!
Anyway, due to my lack of self control and laziness I reached that terrible number of 348. My health has paid for it as well. I have arthritis, which is inherited but it is also a product of a sedentary life. I have Type 2 diabetes and neuropathy (which is a daily battle with extreme pain) in both of my feet, ankles and now hands. I am on meds for the diabetes and at the last doctor appointment I was told my A1C is an 8. Which is terrible! It has never been that high. Only option was to increase my oral meds and if it does not come down I will be put on insulin. Of which due to our financial situation we can NOT afford the meds for that.
I guess you could say God has used this situation to get my attention FINALLY! So 4 weeks ago I started on this journey towards health. I immediately started cutting out all soda, sweets (not a big sweet eater anyway) and carbs. I also started exercising more. I was exercising all summer, in our small swimming pool but decided it just wasn't enough so I started riding our stationary bike for 20 minutes a day. I am now doing 20 mins. in the morning and 30 mins in the evening. I also have started including hand weights.
In four weeks I have lost 8 lbs. WOO HOO! That is huge! It really is! So, why am I so frustrated this week when I don't see the scale move or worse it goes up! Not 2 weeks ago it said 304 and now it says 308. That is frustrating to no end. I have to be honest it did side swipe me this week. Focusing on what that scale said why do I let it get to me? I have to keep going forward and not let it dictate whether I am a success or a failure at this!
I have to keep going, steady as I go. Fighting for every
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