Aug 8, 2017

New Journey to a Healthier Me

     So it's been 4 years since I last posted to this blog. SO many changes since then and I don't plan to update anything right now. Honestly at this point I plan to use this as a place to journal my new adventure. The title of this blog is Broken Potterie for a reason. I am but clay in the Master's hand. I have been broken so many times in life and have over come with God's help.
     There is but one area of life that I have never over come and that area carries many failures, brokenness, and sadness. That area is my health, to be specific my weight. I have been considered over weight, obese and morbidly obese for 39 years of my 47 yrs on this earth. It started when I was 8 and exploded by the time I was 19. For the last 28 yrs I have stayed in the same weight range give or take 10-20 lbs. I have been on every kind of diet, from diet pills, shakes, Adkins, Weight Watchers, and more. I have lost and gained never reaching my goal weight. Over the last 10 years I have developed arthritis, Fibromyalgia, anxiety/depression (YES Christians struggle with it too), GERD,  Type 2 Diabetes, Peripheral Neuropathy and have had both knees replaced. All connected to being morbidly obese.
     So I am on a journey toward becoming healthier. This journey will include something I NEVER in my life would have considered even a year ago. But here I am starting the process of apts, tests, specialists and more all to have the gastric sleeve procedure done. It is different than the gastric bypass and I feel is the better of the two procedures. Surgery to lose weight. It's been a long time coming to this decision, one I do not tread lightly upon. This is a major surgery, life changing, life style changing as well. But it's what is necessary to get to a more healthier me.
      So I will be journaling my thoughts, fears, frustrations, and victories here. I will keep track of my weight, eating changes and exercising as well. I hope to be able to look back a year from now and see how much I've changed not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. I know I can not do anything without my Father in Heaven's help, for I am but clay in His hands

Apr 21, 2013

Singing in the Rain

Earlier this week we had some very strong thunderstorms blow through right around day break.  My dogs wanted out to potty so I went to the back door to let them out. Sheets of rain, thunder, flashes of lightening and strong winds convinced them to turn back around and they ran for my bed where I found them hiding under my blanket. What really caught my attention during all of this is that despite all the craziness outside and how my dogs reacted, there was also a symphony of very happy birds chirping loud enough I could hear them even before I opened my door. I have contemplated these events all week and here's my point to this story...We can act like my dogs, run and hide under the blankets when strong storms come into our lives OR we can sing praises to our Heavenly Father despite the storms! You see the birds were enjoying the rain and they knew the storm and all it's craziness was going to end soon. We need to remember that know matter what the storms are like we are going through they will end and if we sing unto the Lord through the storms not only will we have more peace during the storms but we will have grown closer to Him rather than farther way!

Feb 21, 2013

Changes

So many changes going on within side of me.  Went to the doc the other and nothing says welcome to old age as being told, "You're in peri-menopause."   Oh okay well that does explain a bunch of things.  I am dealing with a variety of things and I have to share that I do not like it one bit.  I have been sidelined when it comes to losing weight.  Mentally I am just not there, thrown off track and fighting to get back on.  Thankful I have not gained the weight back but it seems like every time I think ok this is the day I get back into the swing of things I get hit again.
   Last week I was sorting laundry, stood up and out went my back.  Not having insurance and not being able to afford it hinders my willingness and gumption to go seek out help.  So I go to the one person I know that can heal me and that is my Lord Jesus!  I know no matter what I am facing physically, mentally or spiritually He is there.  I have been dealing with panic attacks and after talking with my doctor decided that meds were in order to get them in control.  UGH!  It is embarrassing!  I never know when they will hit or what has been causing them.  But after talking to a few of my friends they are all saying this is part of this stage of my life.  Well isn't that just lovely.  Who knew that our hormones controlled so many things!!!!
   Lord I trust in your design of my body and trust that you will regulate the hormones within.  Help me walk through this season with grace and healing.  Amen

Jan 24, 2013

Just Keep Swimming....

Oh YES!  This definitely describes what I am going through. Well the talking myself into it deal.  I am proud to say that I am pushing myself to do more.  I am not giving up or giving in!  Going to keep fighting to lose this weight.  Just gotta get the sweets out of my diet again.  Get back to the bare essentials again.  Cut the carbs, cut the calories again.  Feel like I have definitely hit another wall but I am not about to give up.

Jan 12, 2013

Being Persistent

Slow going but going.  That is how the turtle wins right?!  UGH!  I do feel like a turtle.  I am realizing that my speed bump wasn't just a bump but a hole, that has affected not only my physical movement but also my mental movement.  What do I mean?  Well before my back decided to freak out on me I mentally was pushing forward no matter what.  But since my back has gotten better my mental "push forward don't give up" thought process just has not been all that great.  I literally am having to "be PERSISTENT" in pushing forward.  I have to remind myself to go work out and not just work out (do as little as possible) but really WORKOUT (push through the pain).  The pain I am talking about isn't pain caused by injury but pain caused by a good work out.
   So here is to being persisstent!  Don't give up, don't give in, going to keep fighting and win!

Jan 1, 2013

One Word Challenge

For the last few years I have chosen a word to focus on and this year my word is:

The root word of persistence is persist.  One meaning of persist is to go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition. The origin of the word according to Merriam-Webster...

         Latin persistere, from per- + sistere to take a stand, stand firm

I love that!  "To take a stand, stand firm!"  Yep that is what I am gonna do this year with the journey to a healthy life spiritually and physically - healthy weight.  I shall reach my goals and strive towards what God has for me personally and as a family.

What is your word of focus for the year?

Dec 4, 2012

Speed Bump

UGH!  I can not say that loud enough!  I have been derailed for over a month.  It all started with hurting my back.  Got better then it happened again.  UGH!!!  I haven't worked out for over a week and it is driving me nuts. Every morning I wake up thinking today's the day I will get back on track with exercise and I start moving.  That's when I realize, nope it's not gonna happen again.  Then the thoughts of ...."I am never going to lose this weight," or "I am failing at this AGAIN!"  I have to constantly remind myself, this is just a speed bump.  You know the kind that slow you down on purpose.  You got over it, it slows you down and then once passed that area you speed back up.  Usually those speed bumps we hit when driving are found near areas that people tend to speed through and it's a way to slow drivers down such as parking lots. They are also placed in areas to slow drivers down to keep them and others (usually children) safe such as near schools.

  So right now I seem to be stuck on one of those speed bumps.  Maybe this is God's way of saying hey slow down and let's do things my way.  I know things happen and life sometimes gets in the way and yes my focus as been so STUCK on getting the weight off I have sorta put God in the back burner.  Uhm that surely was not my intention but it happened.  So while I am stuck on this speed bump and trying to heal I will stop and take time to ask God to tell me how and what to do.  Oh wait...that was probably His plan the whole time.

*picture courtesy TLC Traffic Safety





Nov 21, 2012

The Tree

Today, the day before Thanksgiving we went on the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree.  We went with our dear friends, Michael and Marty Short and their children to the family farm. 

The kids got a ride up the hill.

MOO!  They were not happy that we made them move out of the way.
An old dried up spring.


Our motley crew.
 
A very cool tree we found.  It is a thorn tree. 

Before decorations
 I am now sitting here looking at our cedar tree (before decorations) that we found this morning. It's kinda thin, a bit straggly in places and definitely not a prefect full tree you can buy at many Christmas tree lots. It reminds me of how I was before I found Christ. A bit of a mess, straggly and definitely not perfect! In a while we will decorate it, add lights and this straggly tree will become beautiful and perfect to us. You see that is what God does with us. He takes our messes, our straggly lives and transforms them into what He wants for us when we yield to His plans and trust in His guidance. Am I perfect...far from it, but I am fully of joy, I have hope and I am blessed beyond measure. It may not make sense to the world for I do not base my life or my blessings on material things and ya know what that is ok with me. I know where I place my trust and hope and I pray you, my friends, find that hope if you haven't already.

Our straggly tree has transformed into a beautiful little tree.

Nov 18, 2012

Simple Reminder

I hit a wall.  I knew it was coming.  So the last few days I have drastically changed my eating habits.  Tonight I had Chinese..yea I know, "WHAT was I thinking!"  Ha!  I was thinking I want Chinese food.  Got beef and broccoli and did not eat all the rice.   I will be back to the grind tomorrow and through the week till Thanksgiving.  Giving myself that day to just enjoy what the Lord has blessed us with...with in reason naturally!  It's just our family so I only make what we like...turkey, broccoli, green beans, mash taters and my husband wants stuffing.  Oh and don't forget the cranberry sauce.  For dessert, pumpkin pie and apple pie.  I will not be eating the carbs but will save a place for a piece of pie.
 Anyway with our dinner naturally we get the fortune cookie. This is what mine said...
   I think this is appropriate!  What do you think!  God sure does have a funny way of reminding us to stay focused!  Never give up!  Never give in!


Nov 16, 2012

Thanksgiving is Coming and I'm Dieting

Thanksgiving is coming next week.  I love Thanksgiving and I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  But with this holiday that is always full of fattening, high calorie foods, it can be hard to make wise food choices. 
 A friend of mine is a leader for TOPS.  I am not part of this group nor is there one close to me to join.  She shared with me two links to two great articles on Thanksgiving and dieting.  I wanted to share them here with those that may be struggling through and wondering how they will handle the holidays.  I am sure these principles will work for Christmas parties and dinner as well. 


Nov 15, 2012

Struggles

 I haven't been writing and boy have I been struggling this last week. Struggling with my weight fluctuation up and down and with what I am eating.  UGH!!! Gotta get my focus back!  On a happy note I have still continued to work out every day and have even gotten back to riding my stationary bike.  Of which I am sure those that even read this find exciting.  HA!  Actually I am very excited about it because it feel great to be able to ride again.  Now I just have to pace myself as to not injure my ankle again.
  I have worked myself back up from 15 mins. to 35 mins. a day.  I try to do 15-20 mins. one day and the next 30-35 mins.  trying to take it easy on the ankle.  Goal is to get back to 35-45 mins. every day but Sundays.  Sunday is my day off from exercising and I am thinking I may allow myself that day to also just eat what I want within reason.  Gotta think on that one for a while though.
   As a Christian I believe in fasting periodically.  It's a way of getting closer to God, sacrificing for Him and to get my focus back.  Fasting can be used for a variety of spiritual things as well as physical.  I am really thinking about doing a 3-5 day fast where I only drink liquids.  I need to gain control of how and what I am eating.  I need to get my focus back and break the stinkin' thinkin' again.  Still praying about it but think this might be a perfect time to do this.  Saturday through Wednesday and then break the fast on Thanksgiving Day.  Hmmm.....we'll see!  Trusting God to show me His plan with this.

Nov 8, 2012

I Quit!

I quit!  Yep I quit! I am giving up to never do the same thing again!  I am never going back to the way things were!  I quit that life and have picked up a new one. One where I face the mountains and will tell them to move.  I shall over come this monster of obesity.  One pound at a time!  I am not throwing in the towel when the going gets tough.  I am not going back to the 300s.  Never again I shall over come and reach my goals.
   Speaking of goals, I did it again! I had a goal to bring my A1C down from the 8.0 it was in August and according to my lab work I had done last week it is DOWN to 5.8!  WOO HOO!!  Yes medicine plays a role in that but I have to say I believe that the exercising and the weight loss so far has impacted it as well.  I am proud of my accomplishments.  I am excited for what the future holds.
   This is tough!  VERY tough!  I have struggled with every step, every day I have to chose to eat right, to exercise and to not fall back into old habits of eating and thinking.  I have struggled this week up till today.  Having the results back from the labs just tells me I am making an impact for the good for my health.  I can't give up!
  My new slogan.....   Not giving up!  Not giving in!  Going to beat this monster and win! 

Nov 2, 2012

The Slide

What a journey I am on! You never know what you will encounter on a journey, good and bad, you may have to face both on a journey.  This week has been one of many emotions.  Some great, some not so great.  My attitude has not been the best and I have fallen a few times.  Fallen to the temptation of Halloween candy, carbs and just not wanting to exercise at all.  Attitudes and thoughts such as, "When do I get to stop exercising, why do I have to fight for every ounce?"  Just mucky thinking.  Then something happened! Something remarkable!  Something awesome!  Something that just proves to me that I have to PUSH through those mucky thinking days!
What in the world does this slide have to do with pushing through you wonder?!  EVERYTHING!  This is similar to what I faced at Kingdom Karnival with my children at our church.  It is a 24 ft tall slide that you have to climb to the top of.  Oh, it's easy you say, NO IT IS NOT! It was a true work out!  It was a climb up that thing and I had NEVER done anything like this in my life.  Not even in my childhood.  But I DID IT!  I climbed to the top.  Okay, let me back track a little.   You see I got half way up and my legs started hurting.  I was fearful I was going to injure my knee or ankle again. (I did aggravate the tendonitis in the ankle.) I was using the ropes on the sides to pull myself up.  It literally was like climbing for my life.  I even stopped and thought I can't do this, I am just going to go back down.  But when I turned around all of these kids (including mine) were there climbing up too.  Then this precious little girl named Kayleigh, who I just love to death, came climbing up to me and said, "You can do it Messa! I know you can!" It was exactly what I needed to hear! I climbed up there and then sat at the slide thinking WOW I did it!  I slide down and it was crazy fast.  But I did it!
   Kayleigh's words reminded me that God is FOR ME!  He will never forsake me in my weakness!  I know He is for me and He used Kayleigh to remind me that He is there saying, "You can do it Melissa!  I know you can!"  Thank you Lord for sending Kayleigh up to encourage me!

This song says it all.... God is for Me by Kari Jobe



Oct 29, 2012

Goal Set and Acheived!

On August 22, 2012 I set out to change my life.  Change my health.   I set a goal to lose 21 lbs in 12 weeks.  I wanted to get down to 295 by the time I would return to see the doctor.  According to my scale on Sunday I hit and passed that mark!  I was at 294.5 yesterday morning.  To say I am excited is by far an understatement!  What's even better than that...I have 11 days till my appointment.  Which can only mean, I hope and pray that I will be even less weight. 
   So today, Oct 29, 2012 I am setting another goal!  I  would like to hit 275 by January 20, 2013.  That is 12 weeks from today, 24.5 lbs to lose.   Yes that means approximately 2 lbs a week.  Can I do it?  Hmmm I sure hope so!  So what does that mean to my exercise routine and eating habits...staying the course....increasing the exercise and just PUSHING FORWARD.
  I don't doubt that I may hit a road block, I might hit a plateau but I am not giving up, not giving in, I am going to beat this monster and win!

Oct 25, 2012

Blah Days!

Have you ever had those blah days?  Well I have and today is one of those days!  Actually I had a great day.  Took my kids with my best friend and she took a bunch of great pictures of them.  I am very happy with the time we took to do that and the results.
  But when it comes to dieting and exercising, I just feel BLAH today! Partly because I didn't do so well and the other part, just not really feeling all that well.  Feel very worn down mentally and physically.
So when it comes to days like today I take a day off.  A day off of everything.  I will restart again tomorrow and know that God has this in His hand and I am there too.  He is helping me through these blah days as well as my victorious days!