Jul 19, 2018

One Month PO

One moth, actually 36 days ago I had gastric sleeve surgery. In those days, I have cried, given up & got back up, realized I eat too fast and I am a slow eater or at least I was before, and have learned this is the hardest "diet" ever. No it's not a diet. It's a life changing surgery in all aspects. I have no patients for the scale, never have, but now it's worse. I want to weigh myself weekly but let's be honest, I weigh daily. Some days I get excited, some days I need dynamite.
  My scale says 21 lbs down. I go to the doc tomorrow and I'm hoping it says more than that.  I  have learned I am an emotional eater. My new stomach doesn't let that happen all that much. I  just can't eat those comfort foods anymore. Heck, I can barely eat anything anymore. Only thing that doesn't make my stomach hurt is fruits, yogurts, soft, smooth textures, and broth soups. Suppose to be able to eat eggs, chicken, fish, cottage cheese, and a variety of veggies. But they all make me hurt or puke.
   Emotionally, I'm somewhat ok. Like I said, good days and bad days. Most is frustration. I can't do what I want because of my chronic pain from neuropathy, fibromyalgia and arthritis. Once back on the meds for the arthritis I am hoping I can do more. We shall see. So many issues, some directly due from being obese, some not so much but all have stole moments from my life and my kids lives. :( Sigh! 

Jul 11, 2018

I found this in a Facebook group and thought it was very true and helpful. So true! Things learned.... #repost 1. Your hormones will get out of whack. Men and women. As you lose fat, you release estrogen and that creates major mood swings. It can create havoc on your system. You might get angry or sad for no reason. You may develop anxiety. You might have depression and/or it might worsen. It WILL get better over time. 2. Women - your periods will change. If you didn't get them, they may suddenly start. If you were normal before, they might go nuts and happen every two weeks! Some people stop bleeding for a long time. Others never stop. It's a hormonal thing and yes, it will even out. 3. Eating will suck at first because you will not feel satisfied. Being full and satisfied are not the same thing. You will want more but can't have it. It will be hard to adjust, but you WILL adjust. 4. Taste buds will change. Things you loved before, will taste different and vice/versa. 5. Hair may or may not fall out. Some people get it badly, others just thin out some. You can take Biotin and other things to help, but most of it you cannot prevent. It will also even out. Cutting long hair does help because it aids in volume and the new hair blends better. 6. Relationships may struggle. You will have to take a look at who you are as a person and a couple. You will change and your significant other will have to change as well. Your whole outlook on food and life has to change - and they will either go along with you, or they just won't be able to take it. Communication is VITAL to keeping love alive and it's ongoing. 7. You will lose inches without the pounds. Pay attention to your clothes and not only the scale. 8. You WILL stall. It happens. Be patient. Drink water. 9. Some people with lax skin already, will only get worse. There is no amount of exercise to prevent it. Some young folks and those with different body types might get lucky. I hope it's you. If it isn't, just understand that it isn't your fault! 10. Sex will change for you. It might get better (and I hope it does!) It might hurt too (hormone changes). 11. How you see yourself will change. If you have always been the fat one, you will need to get to know yourself again. It's a process. Accept yourself and these changes. 12. People will treat you differently - and usually better. This part is hard to take when you realize how real fat shaming is. It should give you a sense of who your real friends are. 13. You may find yourself judging other fat people for their choices. Stop it. 14. Find an exercise you love to do and your body will love you for it. Yes, you can lose without exercise, but exercise is vital to maintaining muscle health and toning. 15. Comparing yourself to others is the best way to fail. You will lose at the pace that your body loses and another person's success does NOT degrade your own. Trust the process and your doctor. Same journey, but different boats, folks. Most of all - this is not easy. It will NEVER be easy. Nothing worth it ever is.

Jun 28, 2018

Two weeks out...1st week 13 lbs by docs scale, week two just 2 lb lost. 15 lbs in 2 weeks, not bad at all BUT I really thought it would be more. I know I have to get some perspective, it's hard. This is so much harder than I thought it would be. So hard!!!
  It's all mental. Sorta! I get so very hungry and can only eat 3-4 bites if that of anything. I get full quick. I just don't understand why I'm not losing more. Not like I can exercise yet. My stomach is still healing and my back won't let me do much without lots of pain.
  Ugh!!  Lord help me!

Jun 22, 2018

So this new journey isn't easy! I'm still trying to figure out how to eat, portions my stomach can handle and oh btw, I'm still eating soft foods like yogurt, applesauce and cottage cheese. I have tried cream of tomato and potato but it weighs heavy on my stomach. The protein shakes take me 2 hrs to finish and fill me up so I won't be hungry for 2-3 hrs later. But even though I get frustrated and am learning I still say my only regret is not doing it sooner!
        So I'm week into this new life, new journey. I go to my one week post op doc visit today. I'll be officially weighed in since my last weigh in with their office 10 days ago. If I base my weight loss on my home scale I'm very pleased. Here's what the MOST important change this week has been, I am no longer taking metformin, a diabetes med, AND my insulin has been cut from 100 units a day down to 35 a day and it will have to be changed again as my glucose numbers continue to come down. My numbers were ranging from 190-290 they now are running from 130-200. HUGE improvement!
         Some have ask how's the pain and eating going. Won't lie the pain was in some instances worse then the knee surgeries I've had for the first few days. Now the incisions are achy except the largest one, that one still hurts. As for "eating," liquid diet for 10 days is not easy. I have been able to handle a few bites of yogurt which has been the only solid allowed. After today I get to add banana, cottage cheese, creamed soup, peanut butter, plain applesauce, and V8 juice. Yay!!!!
      Mentally how am I doing...y'all this is way harder than I thought and I have been prepared. It's not that I'm starving or hungry all the time. Or even upset that I can't have all the junk food that got me here. It's knowing 3 small bites of yogurt fills me up, it's only being able to handle 2 oz of an 11oz protein shake at a time and takes me almost 2 1/2 hours to finish one and when I finally finish it, it's literally time to start another so I get the 3 required in by bed time. And I'm so full from the last that even starting the next one doesn't happen for another hour or two. This are all physical adjustments that I knew would happen, it's just gonna take some time to get use to.
        But even with all of the changes in the last week the only regret I have right now is not having the surgery sooner!!!

Jun 17, 2018

Father's day BBQ

Today was my first family get together and BBQ. First that is with my new stomach, new way of eating. Well sorta, I'm still on clear liquids for the most part. I'm allowed yogurt but have to limit it. My protein drinks come first, then water and then I can have Popsicles, yogurt and broth. Broth...not a fan! But, my mom gave me a great idea, use chicken noodle soup, heat and strain. At least the broth will taste good. So I plan to do that for lunch and dinner tomorrow.
  So not eating when everyone was enjoying cheese burgers, chips, potato salad, and baked beans was kinda weird. More so for my family than me. My dad really had a hard time with me not eating. I had my protein shake and was fine. But he was really worried. I spent time explaining things too him and hope it helped him understand.
  Speaking of my daddy. He truly is the best. He and I had a rough relationship when I was a teenager. I guess a lot of girls do. My reasons wouldn't come to light till I was in my twenties, when I was going through counseling. I was molested by my parents best friend and an older cousin. I guess I blamed my dad for not protecting me as a young child but it wasn't his fault. I came to terms with that and although I have never told him what had happened. I did write a letter of forgiveness.  It really wasn't for him but for myself. I have in recent years apologized for being a brat as a teen and our relationship is better than it has ever been. I'm grateful for my relationship with him but even more so my heavenly father. It is because of his healing me of my painful past that I am where I am today, emotionally and spiritually.
 SO how does all that tie into my new life, well for the longest time...40 yrs... I used food as an emotional comfort. i can no longer run to food to smooth over my feelings. I must face them, write stuff down and work through what ever is causing me discomfort. Again having the surgery is a tool towards a healthier me in every way!

Jun 16, 2018

3 Days Post-Op

So on Wed., June 13, 2018 I had the gastric sleeve weight loss surgery. It went flawlessly. Came home the next afternoon and I am so glad I did. I got better sleep at home for sure. Before I left for the hospital I weighed myself and the scale read 291.7. I was excited just for those numbers. It's weird being in the 200s which  hasn't happened since high school.
 So one thing everyone on the support pages on Facebook have said is to not get on the scale till a week out. Well I had to at least see how much the gas and IV fluids played with the scale. To my surprise I am already down 5 lbs. 286.4 to be exact. I am in shock for sure! I mean I know I will lose quickly the first few weeks and months but 5 lbs in 3 days is amazing.
   So things I am learning... take sips of liquid like drinking hot coffee. other wise it will hurt and may come right back up.  I have 6 incisions and right now my abdomen is super sore. the gas is slowly subsiding but is still there and still causes a great deal of pain. I am not hungry at all. Even with the kids eating dinner in front of me, I'm all good. No hunger pains, nothing. It's sorta weird.
   Right now I am trying to get the 100 gms of protein in a day and that's not easy at all. Each protein drink has 30 gms but it takes me 2 -2 1/2 hrs to drink 11 ounces. Plus get all my vitamins in and other meds I still have to take. Thankfully I no longer  need the metformin for type 2 diabetes.  So that's 5 pills I no longer take. I now take more vitamins then I do prescription meds and that is awesome.
  Only thing that has  me concerned at this moment is that while preforming the surgery my surgeon found my spleen to be enlarged. She says she doesn't understand why because it doesn't look diseased. It could be a variety of things. I googled it, yeah I know bad idea but I really wanted some kind of reference. I will be going to the a specialist and face what ever may come from this. I am believing the reduction of meds will help and that God is going to heal it no matter what.
   So my plans for this blog for the next few weeks is just to keep track of my progress, physically and mentally. This was the hardest decision to make and so far it definitely isn't easy. But I know I'll figure out my new life style, new eating habits and will learn thst portions are important and so is learning to deal with things and not run to food as comfort. From now on food is for nutrition first, then enjoyment.

So Close

It's been almost 7 months since I started this journey to a healthier and skinner me. Honestly despite my efforts I'm still where I was to begin with. I've gone through lab work, seeing a cardiac doc having an ekg and then an echo of my heart done. Then I saw a pulmonologist and xrays followed by a scope and biopsy of my esophagus and let's not forget the psych eval. With all that being done will being weighed in every month with my doctor and following the diet the nutritionist's diet. I've completed every thing required and now it's in the insurance's hands. I pray it ill be approved but have my doubts it will happen.
   I have no idea what will happen if it's not approved. Give up, maybe! I know God has a plan and as much as I hope this is part of it my luck is never good. I seem to always fight battles and honestly I am tired of always fighting.
  Many days I have no will to even get out of bed, but I do. My kisds and husband need me to be there for them. But I never feel like I have anyone there for me. I'm an ear and shoulder for others but never have one. It's beyond frustrationg let me tell ya.
   Anyway, so here I am in a holding pattern, waiting once again for God to move on my behalf.

Aug 8, 2017

New Journey to a Healthier Me

     So it's been 4 years since I last posted to this blog. SO many changes since then and I don't plan to update anything right now. Honestly at this point I plan to use this as a place to journal my new adventure. The title of this blog is Broken Potterie for a reason. I am but clay in the Master's hand. I have been broken so many times in life and have over come with God's help.
     There is but one area of life that I have never over come and that area carries many failures, brokenness, and sadness. That area is my health, to be specific my weight. I have been considered over weight, obese and morbidly obese for 39 years of my 47 yrs on this earth. It started when I was 8 and exploded by the time I was 19. For the last 28 yrs I have stayed in the same weight range give or take 10-20 lbs. I have been on every kind of diet, from diet pills, shakes, Adkins, Weight Watchers, and more. I have lost and gained never reaching my goal weight. Over the last 10 years I have developed arthritis, Fibromyalgia, anxiety/depression (YES Christians struggle with it too), GERD,  Type 2 Diabetes, Peripheral Neuropathy and have had both knees replaced. All connected to being morbidly obese.
     So I am on a journey toward becoming healthier. This journey will include something I NEVER in my life would have considered even a year ago. But here I am starting the process of apts, tests, specialists and more all to have the gastric sleeve procedure done. It is different than the gastric bypass and I feel is the better of the two procedures. Surgery to lose weight. It's been a long time coming to this decision, one I do not tread lightly upon. This is a major surgery, life changing, life style changing as well. But it's what is necessary to get to a more healthier me.
      So I will be journaling my thoughts, fears, frustrations, and victories here. I will keep track of my weight, eating changes and exercising as well. I hope to be able to look back a year from now and see how much I've changed not just physically but emotionally and spiritually as well. I know I can not do anything without my Father in Heaven's help, for I am but clay in His hands

Apr 21, 2013

Singing in the Rain

Earlier this week we had some very strong thunderstorms blow through right around day break.  My dogs wanted out to potty so I went to the back door to let them out. Sheets of rain, thunder, flashes of lightening and strong winds convinced them to turn back around and they ran for my bed where I found them hiding under my blanket. What really caught my attention during all of this is that despite all the craziness outside and how my dogs reacted, there was also a symphony of very happy birds chirping loud enough I could hear them even before I opened my door. I have contemplated these events all week and here's my point to this story...We can act like my dogs, run and hide under the blankets when strong storms come into our lives OR we can sing praises to our Heavenly Father despite the storms! You see the birds were enjoying the rain and they knew the storm and all it's craziness was going to end soon. We need to remember that know matter what the storms are like we are going through they will end and if we sing unto the Lord through the storms not only will we have more peace during the storms but we will have grown closer to Him rather than farther way!

Feb 21, 2013

Changes

So many changes going on within side of me.  Went to the doc the other and nothing says welcome to old age as being told, "You're in peri-menopause."   Oh okay well that does explain a bunch of things.  I am dealing with a variety of things and I have to share that I do not like it one bit.  I have been sidelined when it comes to losing weight.  Mentally I am just not there, thrown off track and fighting to get back on.  Thankful I have not gained the weight back but it seems like every time I think ok this is the day I get back into the swing of things I get hit again.
   Last week I was sorting laundry, stood up and out went my back.  Not having insurance and not being able to afford it hinders my willingness and gumption to go seek out help.  So I go to the one person I know that can heal me and that is my Lord Jesus!  I know no matter what I am facing physically, mentally or spiritually He is there.  I have been dealing with panic attacks and after talking with my doctor decided that meds were in order to get them in control.  UGH!  It is embarrassing!  I never know when they will hit or what has been causing them.  But after talking to a few of my friends they are all saying this is part of this stage of my life.  Well isn't that just lovely.  Who knew that our hormones controlled so many things!!!!
   Lord I trust in your design of my body and trust that you will regulate the hormones within.  Help me walk through this season with grace and healing.  Amen

Jan 24, 2013

Just Keep Swimming....

Oh YES!  This definitely describes what I am going through. Well the talking myself into it deal.  I am proud to say that I am pushing myself to do more.  I am not giving up or giving in!  Going to keep fighting to lose this weight.  Just gotta get the sweets out of my diet again.  Get back to the bare essentials again.  Cut the carbs, cut the calories again.  Feel like I have definitely hit another wall but I am not about to give up.

Jan 12, 2013

Being Persistent

Slow going but going.  That is how the turtle wins right?!  UGH!  I do feel like a turtle.  I am realizing that my speed bump wasn't just a bump but a hole, that has affected not only my physical movement but also my mental movement.  What do I mean?  Well before my back decided to freak out on me I mentally was pushing forward no matter what.  But since my back has gotten better my mental "push forward don't give up" thought process just has not been all that great.  I literally am having to "be PERSISTENT" in pushing forward.  I have to remind myself to go work out and not just work out (do as little as possible) but really WORKOUT (push through the pain).  The pain I am talking about isn't pain caused by injury but pain caused by a good work out.
   So here is to being persisstent!  Don't give up, don't give in, going to keep fighting and win!

Jan 1, 2013

One Word Challenge

For the last few years I have chosen a word to focus on and this year my word is:

The root word of persistence is persist.  One meaning of persist is to go on resolutely or stubbornly in spite of opposition. The origin of the word according to Merriam-Webster...

         Latin persistere, from per- + sistere to take a stand, stand firm

I love that!  "To take a stand, stand firm!"  Yep that is what I am gonna do this year with the journey to a healthy life spiritually and physically - healthy weight.  I shall reach my goals and strive towards what God has for me personally and as a family.

What is your word of focus for the year?

Dec 4, 2012

Speed Bump

UGH!  I can not say that loud enough!  I have been derailed for over a month.  It all started with hurting my back.  Got better then it happened again.  UGH!!!  I haven't worked out for over a week and it is driving me nuts. Every morning I wake up thinking today's the day I will get back on track with exercise and I start moving.  That's when I realize, nope it's not gonna happen again.  Then the thoughts of ...."I am never going to lose this weight," or "I am failing at this AGAIN!"  I have to constantly remind myself, this is just a speed bump.  You know the kind that slow you down on purpose.  You got over it, it slows you down and then once passed that area you speed back up.  Usually those speed bumps we hit when driving are found near areas that people tend to speed through and it's a way to slow drivers down such as parking lots. They are also placed in areas to slow drivers down to keep them and others (usually children) safe such as near schools.

  So right now I seem to be stuck on one of those speed bumps.  Maybe this is God's way of saying hey slow down and let's do things my way.  I know things happen and life sometimes gets in the way and yes my focus as been so STUCK on getting the weight off I have sorta put God in the back burner.  Uhm that surely was not my intention but it happened.  So while I am stuck on this speed bump and trying to heal I will stop and take time to ask God to tell me how and what to do.  Oh wait...that was probably His plan the whole time.

*picture courtesy TLC Traffic Safety