I started this blog as a place to just write out some thoughts and feelings. Things God is showing me and a place to just vent. Not many follow this blog and that is fine by me. Honestly I don't blog for others, if someone by chance finds it and something I write ministers to them that is great and if not that is just fine too. Right now is the toughest time we have ever gone through. Ok well one of the toughest. THE TOUGHEST was when we lost our first son. Right now we are sorta just out here. We packed up our family, resigned from pastoring the church in IL and moved to KY because we felt that is what God told us to do. We are holding on by a thread. Seriously we know God called us to KY. We have never been happier about being back "home" but I have to tell you there are many days I ask God, "Have we missed a step, have we missed what You were telling us to do?" We are barely making it financially! Well to be honest we aren't making it. I have not found a job despite all the applications and resumes sent out. Sean has finally gotten a job and we are ever so grateful for that but it is barely covering the rent and utilities. Forget about any other debts we might have. We have never been at a place like this ever and I HATE IT! Oh I know God is watching out for us and I know He is providing, I see it daily but this stepping out of the boat and walking on the water is the HARDEST thing I have ever done.
We have 4 children and I just keep reminding God that they are innocent bystanders in this walk that we have taken. They didn't ask to move, and they didn't ask for us to be in this terrible financial place. What were thinking 5 years ago when we decided to move from Florida to IL and now here....Sometimes I just wonder. My faith that God has a plan and is providing is not wavering I trust in Him. But that doesn't mean I don't wonder where He is right now in the midst of this journey that seems more like a storm.
Don't comment or email me telling me all the cliches like "He is there walking with you through this" or "He is the plan maker" or any other statement that is easy to say when you aren't walking through this or have never walked through this. What I need is to SEE God moving on our behalf in a BIG WAY! I need to see the break through. I am weary and need God to come and BREAK down the walls and open the doors! We are trusting Him to do this and to show us HIS plan because right now what we thought or think doesn't matter anymore. We need answers now and not tomorrow. We need a break through, we need a miracle!
God where are you?
2 comments:
Melissa, A couple years ago, my husband had two work injuries. The first one happened at work, but the physician said that because my husband waited to go to the dr. it could not be called work related (a hernia). The second was a broken ankle at work. During the 1st situation, our savings decreased to $12. We had to decide if we should feed our family or pay bills. We chose to feed the family. We literally saw money come from no where (God). We were never late with a bill. I can say now that by the time the second injury rolled around, our faith was so great that we had no fear that God was going to supply. The entire time of both situations was about 5 months. Years later, we are just now building up our savings. It has made us frugal beyond words. I am praying for you and am adding your name to the Praise and Prayer side bar on the right. I don't kow how, or when, but God will see you to the other side. Stand. When you've done all you can do. I fast every wed. and I want you to know that I am including you as part of my prayers on those days. Every morning I'll be lifting you and your family up. Have you started your church, meeting in your home? I'm specifically praying that you will be strengthened and revived. Claim His promises. Remind God of His promises by speaking them outloud. You are not forsaken and He will move. (((Much love to you!!)))
Thank you Ruth! Your words have truly touched my heart and encouraged me today. Yesterday was a tough day for me. Most days I am able to push aside the yuck but it was most difficult to do that yesterday. I know without a doubt that He will see us through. Right now we are attending my best friends church. It's a wonderful church and we are being fed other than our own devotions. We do not feel called to plant a church at this time. God would really have to birth that into our hearts so strongly that we could not shake it. But if that is what He wants then we will do so. THANK YOU for praying for us!
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