Speed Bump

UGH!  I can not say that loud enough!  I have been derailed for over a month.  It all started with hurting my back.  Got better then it happened again.  UGH!!!  I haven't worked out for over a week and it is driving me nuts. Every morning I wake up thinking today's the day I will get back on track with exercise and I start moving.  That's when I realize, nope it's not gonna happen again.  Then the thoughts of ...."I am never going to lose this weight," or "I am failing at this AGAIN!"  I have to constantly remind myself, this is just a speed bump.  You know the kind that slow you down on purpose.  You got over it, it slows you down and then once passed that area you speed back up.  Usually those speed bumps we hit when driving are found near areas that people tend to speed through and it's a way to slow drivers down such as parking lots. They are also placed in areas to slow drivers down to keep them and others (usually children) safe such as near schools.

  So right now I seem to be stuck on one of those speed bumps.  Maybe this is God's way of saying hey slow down and let's do things my way.  I know things happen and life sometimes gets in the way and yes my focus as been so STUCK on getting the weight off I have sorta put God in the back burner.  Uhm that surely was not my intention but it happened.  So while I am stuck on this speed bump and trying to heal I will stop and take time to ask God to tell me how and what to do.  Oh wait...that was probably His plan the whole time.

*picture courtesy TLC Traffic Safety

The Tree

Today, the day before Thanksgiving we went on the hunt for the perfect Christmas tree.  We went with our dear friends, Michael and Marty Short and their children to the family farm. 

The kids got a ride up the hill.

MOO!  They were not happy that we made them move out of the way.

An old dried up spring.

Our motley crew.

 

A very cool tree we found.  It is a thorn tree. 

Before decorations

 I am now sitting here looking at our cedar tree (before decorations) that we found this morning. It's kinda thin, a bit straggly in places and definitely not a prefect full tree you can buy at many Christmas tree lots. It reminds me of how I was before I found Christ. A bit of a mess, straggly and definitely not perfect! In a while we will decorate it, add lights and this straggly tree will become beautiful and perfect to us. You see that is what God does with us. He takes our messes, our straggly lives and transforms them into what He wants for us when we yield to His plans and trust in His guidance. Am I perfect...far from it, but I am fully of joy, I have hope and I am blessed beyond measure. It may not make sense to the world for I do not base my life or my blessings on material things and ya know what that is ok with me. I know where I place my trust and hope and I pray you, my friends, find that hope if you haven't already.

Our straggly tree has transformed into a beautiful little tree.

Simple Reminder

I hit a wall.  I knew it was coming.  So the last few days I have drastically changed my eating habits.  Tonight I had Chinese..yea I know, "WHAT was I thinking!"  Ha!  I was thinking I want Chinese food.  Got beef and broccoli and did not eat all the rice.   I will be back to the grind tomorrow and through the week till Thanksgiving.  Giving myself that day to just enjoy what the Lord has blessed us with...with in reason naturally!  It's just our family so I only make what we like...turkey, broccoli, green beans, mash taters and my husband wants stuffing.  Oh and don't forget the cranberry sauce.  For dessert, pumpkin pie and apple pie.  I will not be eating the carbs but will save a place for a piece of pie.
 Anyway with our dinner naturally we get the fortune cookie. This is what mine said...

   I think this is appropriate!  What do you think!  God sure does have a funny way of reminding us to stay focused!  Never give up!  Never give in!

Thanksgiving is Coming and I'm Dieting

Thanksgiving is coming next week.  I love Thanksgiving and I have SO MUCH to be thankful for.  But with this holiday that is always full of fattening, high calorie foods, it can be hard to make wise food choices. 
 A friend of mine is a leader for TOPS.  I am not part of this group nor is there one close to me to join.  She shared with me two links to two great articles on Thanksgiving and dieting.  I wanted to share them here with those that may be struggling through and wondering how they will handle the holidays.  I am sure these principles will work for Christmas parties and dinner as well. 

 10 Tips for a Thinner Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving Weight Gain: Keep Weight Loss Goals

Struggles

 I haven't been writing and boy have I been struggling this last week. Struggling with my weight fluctuation up and down and with what I am eating.  UGH!!! Gotta get my focus back!  On a happy note I have still continued to work out every day and have even gotten back to riding my stationary bike.  Of which I am sure those that even read this find exciting.  HA!  Actually I am very excited about it because it feel great to be able to ride again.  Now I just have to pace myself as to not injure my ankle again.
  I have worked myself back up from 15 mins. to 35 mins. a day.  I try to do 15-20 mins. one day and the next 30-35 mins.  trying to take it easy on the ankle.  Goal is to get back to 35-45 mins. every day but Sundays.  Sunday is my day off from exercising and I am thinking I may allow myself that day to also just eat what I want within reason.  Gotta think on that one for a while though.
   As a Christian I believe in fasting periodically.  It's a way of getting closer to God, sacrificing for Him and to get my focus back.  Fasting can be used for a variety of spiritual things as well as physical.  I am really thinking about doing a 3-5 day fast where I only drink liquids.  I need to gain control of how and what I am eating.  I need to get my focus back and break the stinkin' thinkin' again.  Still praying about it but think this might be a perfect time to do this.  Saturday through Wednesday and then break the fast on Thanksgiving Day.  Hmmm.....we'll see!  Trusting God to show me His plan with this.

I Quit!

I quit!  Yep I quit! I am giving up to never do the same thing again!  I am never going back to the way things were!  I quit that life and have picked up a new one. One where I face the mountains and will tell them to move.  I shall over come this monster of obesity.  One pound at a time!  I am not throwing in the towel when the going gets tough.  I am not going back to the 300s.  Never again I shall over come and reach my goals.
   Speaking of goals, I did it again! I had a goal to bring my A1C down from the 8.0 it was in August and according to my lab work I had done last week it is DOWN to 5.8!  WOO HOO!!  Yes medicine plays a role in that but I have to say I believe that the exercising and the weight loss so far has impacted it as well.  I am proud of my accomplishments.  I am excited for what the future holds.
   This is tough!  VERY tough!  I have struggled with every step, every day I have to chose to eat right, to exercise and to not fall back into old habits of eating and thinking.  I have struggled this week up till today.  Having the results back from the labs just tells me I am making an impact for the good for my health.  I can't give up!
  My new slogan.....   Not giving up!  Not giving in!  Going to beat this monster and win! 

The Slide

What a journey I am on! You never know what you will encounter on a journey, good and bad, you may have to face both on a journey.  This week has been one of many emotions.  Some great, some not so great.  My attitude has not been the best and I have fallen a few times.  Fallen to the temptation of Halloween candy, carbs and just not wanting to exercise at all.  Attitudes and thoughts such as, "When do I get to stop exercising, why do I have to fight for every ounce?"  Just mucky thinking.  Then something happened! Something remarkable!  Something awesome!  Something that just proves to me that I have to PUSH through those mucky thinking days!

What in the world does this slide have to do with pushing through you wonder?!  EVERYTHING!  This is similar to what I faced at Kingdom Karnival with my children at our church.  It is a 24 ft tall slide that you have to climb to the top of.  Oh, it's easy you say, NO IT IS NOT! It was a true work out!  It was a climb up that thing and I had NEVER done anything like this in my life.  Not even in my childhood.  But I DID IT!  I climbed to the top.  Okay, let me back track a little.   You see I got half way up and my legs started hurting.  I was fearful I was going to injure my knee or ankle again. (I did aggravate the tendonitis in the ankle.) I was using the ropes on the sides to pull myself up.  It literally was like climbing for my life.  I even stopped and thought I can't do this, I am just going to go back down.  But when I turned around all of these kids (including mine) were there climbing up too.  Then this precious little girl named Kayleigh, who I just love to death, came climbing up to me and said, "You can do it Messa! I know you can!" It was exactly what I needed to hear! I climbed up there and then sat at the slide thinking WOW I did it!  I slide down and it was crazy fast.  But I did it!
   Kayleigh's words reminded me that God is FOR ME!  He will never forsake me in my weakness!  I know He is for me and He used Kayleigh to remind me that He is there saying, "You can do it Melissa!  I know you can!"  Thank you Lord for sending Kayleigh up to encourage me!

This song says it all.... God is for Me by Kari Jobe

Goal Set and Acheived!

On August 22, 2012 I set out to change my life.  Change my health.   I set a goal to lose 21 lbs in 12 weeks.  I wanted to get down to 295 by the time I would return to see the doctor.  According to my scale on Sunday I hit and passed that mark!  I was at 294.5 yesterday morning.  To say I am excited is by far an understatement!  What's even better than that...I have 11 days till my appointment.  Which can only mean, I hope and pray that I will be even less weight. 
   So today, Oct 29, 2012 I am setting another goal!  I  would like to hit 275 by January 20, 2013.  That is 12 weeks from today, 24.5 lbs to lose.   Yes that means approximately 2 lbs a week.  Can I do it?  Hmmm I sure hope so!  So what does that mean to my exercise routine and eating habits...staying the course....increasing the exercise and just PUSHING FORWARD.

  I don't doubt that I may hit a road block, I might hit a plateau but I am not giving up, not giving in, I am going to beat this monster and win!

Blah Days!

Have you ever had those blah days?  Well I have and today is one of those days!  Actually I had a great day.  Took my kids with my best friend and she took a bunch of great pictures of them.  I am very happy with the time we took to do that and the results.
  But when it comes to dieting and exercising, I just feel BLAH today! Partly because I didn't do so well and the other part, just not really feeling all that well.  Feel very worn down mentally and physically.
So when it comes to days like today I take a day off.  A day off of everything.  I will restart again tomorrow and know that God has this in His hand and I am there too.  He is helping me through these blah days as well as my victorious days! 

Major Goal ~ SUCCESS!

I wanna shout it, from every roof top....I AM VICTORIOUS!!!!

WOO HOOO!  I have hit a major goal!  I have lost 51 lbs.  Yep I am now down to 297.  I am so excited and so proud.  despite the lose of exercising on my stationary bike I am still losing weight.  WOO HOO!  

But I have to share that it is more than just weight that I am losing.  I have lived my whole life with this false guilt.  That it was "my fault" that I was sexually abused.  That I am a failure.  I'm not worth anything and definitely not worthy of having anything good.  All lies from the devil!  God is cleaning me out of those lies.  I am worth it!  I am victorious!  I am beautiful!  I am NOT at fault for actions beyond my control such as being abused.

My God is doing a work in me.  Hence the name Broken Potterie for the title of the blog.  I am but clay in the master's hand and He isn't done with me yet! 

Injury

So this has been a tough week.  I have hurt my ankle which means no working out on my stationary bike.  That frustrates me to no end.  The funny thing is it's almost like God is saying, slow down and let Me help you through this journey.  Come to Me and let me show you how I want you to lose this weight.  I am ok with that.  I am realizing that I have been trying to do it all on my own.  I need his help with this.  So I shall rest the ankle, keep doing what I can do and trust that He will see me through this time.  Trusting Him to see me through.  He has always been faithful and I know He will be faithful with this as well.  Thank you Lord!

Hit the Mark

OK so a few weeks ago I ranted on about how I hated the scale.  Well I still do!  Honestly we have gone through a bunch of batteries just to figure out the digital scale was really malfunctioning.  BIG FROWN! Do you know what a messed up scale does to you mentally when you can't get an accurate number week after week.  It was driving me NUTTY! Needless to say this past week we went and bought a new, standard, nonelectric scale.  Sunday was my official weigh in and I am HAPPY to SHOUT that I have really reached a major goal!  I hit the 300 mark!  I have also lost 4 inches in key areas of my body! WOO HOO!  PRAISE THE LORD!  HALLELUJAH!

   Yes I am shouting!  I have fought hard for every single ounce and I am very proud of where I am at!  It truly has been a struggle to get here.  This week I am reducing my calorie intake down to 1000-1100 cals. a day.  I have cut almost all carbs out of my diet.  Let me stress when I say carbs I specifically mean potatoes, bread, pasta and rice.  All of which I love!  I LOVE Italian and Mexican foods and both are terrible when it comes to carb counts and what they do to my system.  So I have a friend that shared a recipe for a carb free crust for pizza and I changed it up for an enchilada bake tonight (left out the garlic) and it was to die for!  Oh, I can not forget the carb. free pancakes too.  (Click pizza/pancakes for the recipes.) Oh my I am in heaven with both and feel like I have splurged and I know I haven't!  It truly helps the mental part of this journey. 
  On an even happier note, my glucose levels have been a LOT better as well.  In fact I have had some numbers that were below 80 and that was shocking to me to be honest.  I haven't had numbers below 80 in well 4 years.  My goal for this medical issue to be completely back to normal, diabetes free and medicine free as well.  It has been done by others and since I am type 2 it is a big possibility for me.  I HOPE and PRAY!

UGH!!! Pity Party/Meltdown

Yep having one of those days!  Seriously, it's not about exercising.  I did that today!  I do that every day.  It's the whole I want to eat what I want to eat and not have to think about how many carbs it might have or how it might affect my blood glucose levels.  For two days I have ate what I wanted and now I see how badly it does affect my glucose levels.
   UGH!  So I went through a bit of a pity party tonight.  Yep I did!  can you believe that?  lol!  I think we all go through those times.  But mine basically boiled down to this...what if I lose all the weight I need to lose and I am still a Type 2 diabetic?  What if I do all this exercise and lose the weight and nothing changes?  I  know that I will never be rid of the arthritis or the peripheral neuropathy.  That will still be here and those two things hurt.  Although I know losing the weight will help the arthritis the damage from the disease will not improve. 
   Just frustrating and honestly scary.  I worry that I will always be a diabetic.  Dagum why didn't I listen to the doctor 8 years ago?! UGH!  I am kicking myself hard, very hard.
   I am thankful that God is helping me with this adventure though!  Very thankful!

Changing

 

Growing Stronger

Oh my word!  I have been doing crunches.  Started with 20 worked up to 30 and the other night did 50.  My 8 yr old daughter is helping me and she was counting.  I said lets go to 40 and she said ok.  So midstream I ask what number I am on and she says, "30."  When I got to 40 she and her brother were laughing.  I said, "What's so funny?" She then tells me, "Mommy you just did 50!"  UGH!  No wonder I thought I was dying!
  So last night when I asked her to help me (she holds my feet down).  She says, "Let's do 60!"  "UHM NO WAY GIRL!  Let's stick with 50 for a few days, my stomach is killing me!" I said.  She was like, "Well, where's the fun in that?!"    
   HAHA!  Crazy girl, it's like I have my own Julian from Biggest Loser in my house.  HAHA!