You ARE for Me!

I know that you are For me! I know you are! I know that you are for me! I know you are!
What a morning! Seriously! I can't shake this feeling that some how I have missed something important! So many thoughts are going through my mind right now. Too many to be honest.
This morning as I was walking back from getting the mail and was opening an item I felt this major weight about leap off my shoulders and then as I began reading the letter realized that even though this great opportunity has presented itself to us, there is no way it will happen. Which is why I must remind myself that God is FOR ME! He is not against me. He wants this opportunity to take place he does really! So I must trust Him to provide the means for it to take place.
I am realizing that either I am a very negative person or that I deal with the facts so much that having faith for something to take place is just a leap of faith every time. Reality just stinks to be honest sometimes. There are many times I can read the scripture and although it may be positive the reality of a situation becomes so much bigger than what the scripture says in my mind. I need God to be bigger than my circumstances. I KNOW He is but sometimes I need to SEE it take place!
God this is an opportunity to take some pressure off our shoulders financially. It won't really change anything in our daily events but to take just a little more pressure off of Sean and myself would be such a wonderful and healthy thing. God I know you are for me! I know that You are my provider and this opportunity is one I must beg of you to help us with so that we can walk in financial freedom. Lord move the mountains on our behalf!

An Yielded Heart

In a tough place right now. It's a personal thing I am walking right now. A place of of just...hmmm...honestly I just don't have the words to even explain it. I feel as if I am adrift on the water and need God to blow me towards the right direction. I am willing to go and do and be all He needs and wants me to. I think honestly I am getting to a place of desperation. Maybe that is where God wants me to be. So desperate for Him, His direction, His provision, His guidance and wisdom. So that when it's time for Him to blow my boat there will be no fight left within me and I will completely yield to His will. Hmmm wow thank you Lord for opening my eyes to see what it is You truly want, an yielded heart! A surrendered heart!
This song about written by Kari Jobe "You Are For Me" really ministers to my spirit right now. Here are the lyrics so you can sing along.

So faithful, so constant, so loving and so true

So powerful in all You do
You fill me, You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to You

Chorus:
A
I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

Verse 2:
So patient, so gracious, so merciful and true
So wonderful in all You do
You fill me, You see me, You know my every move
And you love for me to sing to You, Lord

Chorus:
I know that You are for me
I know that You are for me
I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness
And I know that You have come now
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who You are

Resurrection Sunday is not ...

just one day a year for me. It is through grace I am saved and set free from the bondage of sin. I am not perfect and fall before my Savior daily to repent for attitudes, words I have spoken that did not bring Him glory. NOPE Resurrection Sunday is not just a once a year event! For me it's a daily event! Thank you Jesus!

"Surrender "

"I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within ,
I lay it all down for the sake of you my King.
I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights,
I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life.
And I surrender all to you, all to You.
And I surrender all to you, all to You.
I'm singing you this song, I'm waiting at the cross,
And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss.
For the sake of knowing you, the glory of your name,
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in your pain."

Sometimes in life you just need to surrender to Christ all of your hopes and dreams. I am at that place again. Not understanding many things going on right now, amazed at how God is providing (NOT how I ever fathomed or wanted to be honest) but He is providing, and yet I find myself once again wanting more. Not material stuff just more of Him more of what HE wants for my life and for our family.
I question a lot of things and lately a lot more questions are surfacing. But the one thing I know is that I want MORE of HIM and less of me!

Winter

SO I started writing this long post about winter and how it correlates to this season of rest my husband and I are in but I realized I was making what I wanted to say much more complicated than it is.

Here are some words that come to mind in most peoples minds when you say winter:

Cold Quiet Rest Loneliness Bareness Nakedness Crisp air Dark

Snow Dreary Death Hopelessness

All of these words are so ... sad. As I was looking at how to write this out I realized that what I wanted to share has nothing to do with these words. A friend of mine once told me she LOVED winter. Honestly I thought she was nuts up until this past weekend. I could never understand why she loved the season. It's all of the above words...right?!

WRONG! During the winter season the earth rests. Everything seems to slow down, specially when snow blankets the ground. You can see through the trees and see what the leaves and bushes have hidden through out the rest of the year. In that you can see all kinds of things; a creek winding down the hill side, a small red cardinal sitting on the branch of a tree, or an old abandoned barn. This past weekend on my drive to and from church I was praying and asking God to show me something I haven't seen before, something about this season we are in and that is when I saw a small cardinal perched on a branch. I would have never seen it had it been the summer or any other season but winter.

That's when I realized, winter is more than those dreadful words, so much more! You see winter also means rest, peace, hope just to name a few. It's a time when the earth rests and prepares for spring. Spring is seen as a time of growth, renewal, of new life being born. Without winter spring can not happen.

God showed me that I must not rush this season of rest that we are in. That I need to see the beauty in this season because He is behind the scenes preparing us for spring. I believe our season of rest will come to an end soon and that our season of renewal and new birth is around the bend. Until the first buds of spring come forth in our lives I shall rest, sit back and watch how God's hands brings for the new ministry He has for us to do!

Blessings

I heard this beautiful song this morning and I just can't stop listening to it. Right now God and I are working on some things in my life. Some things I don't understand and probably won't ever and I am coming to grips with those things. Anyway this song spoke directly into those thoughts today and I wanted to share.

Hidden Damage

So today I have been thinking...I know hold on to your hats because I was actually thinking and it's only 8 AM. As I said the other day, I was in an accident. Thankfully the van is drivable so my husband has been taking it to work with him. Well today I had to meet him at the mechanic so that we can get the brakes in the car. While he was taking care of that I was sitting in the van. (yes that is my van and yes we are taking it tomorrow to get an estimate of what it is going to cost to get it fixed...praying it won't be a tremendous amount...this is coming out of our pockets.)
Do you know how embarrassing it is to sit in a vehicle that has this kind of damage? Right now all the openings are covered with a black garbage bag and PURPLE duct tape. So it stands out even more.
Anyway as we were driving home I started thinking about how looking a the van from one side you can not see any of the damage, but walk around it and there it is. Then this thought crossed my mind...how many people do we see that look whole, healthy and happy on the outside but on the inside are damaged worse than my van? Then you have people that have been "damaged" and you see the evidence on the outside such as with a burn victim and yet you get to know that person and they are more whole, healthy and happy than that other "perfectly put together" person on the other corner.
I am so glad that I serve a God that can see the inside past the "perfect outer shell" and can heal the damage on the inside all because He loves us! I invite you to pray this prayer with me today..
Dear Heavenly Father,
Today I came before you and ask that you reach deep inside of me and heal all the damage that no one else can see. Past hurts, negative thoughts, sins I have committed, all of it...Lord cleanse me from within, heal the damaged areas and restore to perfect health my body, mind and soul. Forgive me for the sins I have committed. I accept You today as King and Lord over all of my life.
In Jesus Name...Amen.

Wrap Me in Your Arms Lord!

Hmmmm, Jesus wrap me in your arms. On Friday I was in a accident. By road rules it was my fault because I did not yield the way for the oncoming car. But to my defense I was following another car turning left through the intersection and there was NO CAR (at least I didn't see one) as I was going through the light. Needless to say this car/small suv hit me going about 40 through the intersection I was doing maybe 25 (the light had just changed to green for ME). Smashed my van & threw me for a loop inside. Thankfully I never hit my head but my body is really feeling the impact of that accident.
On top of that my husband has a stomach virus and my baby boy has the flu. Thankfully my oldest who will be 11 in a few weeks has been taking care of all of us. Anyway this morning I tuned in to the service at Lift Church in Venice Florida. You may wonder how I would know of this church but you have to understand it is my home church. It use to be called Venice Assembly but they launched a new church and vision last year and changed the name. It is an awesome church with awesome worship and a loving church as well. It is the church I was saved in as a teenager, Sean and I were married there and served on staff there for 4 almost 5 years. They broad cast their services on Sunday mornings and Wed nights and other times when they have guest speakers or events. You can go here to tune in or find more info about the church and the Pastors Gary and Rhonda Gray.
Anyway the message was awesome...loves Pastor Gary's last quote; "The beginning of worship is surrender!" During the alter time Lucas was singing this song...

Wrap Me in Your Arms by Michael & Lisa Gungor

There is a God who loves me
Who wraps me in His arms
And that is the place where I'm changed
And that's where I belong

[Chorus]
Take me to that place, Lord
To that secret place where
I can be with You
You can make me like You
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms
Wrap me in Your arms

AWESOME worship song and is most definitely my song of prayer today!

GOD IS SOO GOOD!

OK so the other day I was sharing how God has really been speaking to me about trusting Him for the smallest details. That when He says he will provide HE WILL! Well let me share. This week due to my miscalculations in the check book ... :-( sigh... we had less than $20 for two weeks after bills and food. Unfortunately our vehicles need gas. Sunday during the worship service I felt God speak to me saying, "Trust me, I will provide." I wasn't even thinking about the financial issues we were in just worshiping Him.
OK so we were expecting some money for two of our kids birthdays. We decided to speak to the kids and ask them if we could borrow the money. (NO we do not make habit of this but it was their money not ours). Well our twin 7 yr olds have hearts of gold! They both said, "You can use it Mommy and Daddy!" No qualms, no crying just you can use it! It was breaking my heart to even think about it. God knows our hearts! He really does!
Today unexpectedly we receive a tax refund from IL that we were not expecting for another two weeks! PRAISE GOD! We did not have to borrow the kids birthday money! We blessed them with added funds just because they were willing to sacrifice for our family. (We were going to give it back to them as soon as Sean got paid.)
SO why am I sharing such a personal issue? Because we have all been in situations that look hopeless. Honestly that is how I was feeling besides mad at myself. That's not the point! The point is GOD PROVIDES! His promises are true!

He's GOT it COVERED!

Been a while since I actual wrote on here and not just posted song/videos. A lot going on here and honestly writing has not been at the top of my list. But God has really been pouring into me just thoughts that flutter through my head and I figured I better start really writing them down. Maybe they will capture your thoughts as well.
You know this journey we are all on is truly all about God and not us. God has really been impressing on my heart that this year is my (our) year of breakthrough in a variety of areas. OH the joy that brings to my heart! Break through is what we need! But you know in that break through comes the tests, trials and mountains to climb. Yes before every break through there is a time of complete darkness. You see just before the sun rises is the darkest moments. I know this personally because every morning I drive my kids to school. It is pitch dark, I mean even with the dim lights I can barely see, I always have to drive with the brights on. It is so dark that even my kids have noticed that it is super dark. Sometimes we leave and the sun will rise as we pull into the school driveway, and the kids are always amazed at the change in the sky :) I cherish those times with the kids!
You know the Bible tell us:

"Don't ever worry and say, 'What are we going to eat?' or 'What are we going to drink?' or 'What are we going to wear?' Everyone is concerned about these things, and your heavenly Father certainly knows you need all of them. But first, be concerned about his kingdom and what has his approval. Then all these things will be provided for you. "So don't ever worry about tomorrow. After all, tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matt 31-34 (GW)

Here's the thing. We have been struggling financially like about 80% of the rest of America. We are blessed! Sean has a job, because of that we have a home! There are things that happen to a family that is on the brink of breaking...you do a little more praying, a little more crying out, and a whole lot of humbling. But you know what, God has taken us down this road before. This one is a bit more humbling and a whole lot more bumpy. But God has been faithful.
I really feel God was speaking to me today saying, "DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW! I GOT IT COVERED!" He is faithful, he will come through and for that I am forever grateful. My life is a lot more peaceful when I remember that! When I don't and I am full of stress!
Thank you Lord for reminding me that YOU GOT THIS COVERED!

Make you Stronger

"Arms Open Wide"

“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been pondering
“What does love look like?”
“What does love look like?” is the question I’ve been asking of You

I once believed that love was romance, just a chance
I even thought that love was for the lucky and the beautiful
I once believed that love was a momentary bliss
But love is more than this
All You ever wanted was my attention
All You ever wanted was love from me
All You ever wanted was my affections, to sit here at Your feet

Then I sat down, a little frustrated and confused
If all of life comes down to love
Then love has to be more than sentiment
More than selfishness and selfish gain

And then I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
I saw Him there, hanging on a tree, looking at me
He was looking at me, looking at Him, staring through me
I could not escape those beautiful eyes
And I began to weep and weep

He had arms wide open, a heart exposed
Arms wide open; He was bleeding, bleeding

Love’s definition, love’s definition was looking at me
Looking at Him, hanging on a tree
I began to weep and weep and weep and weep

This is how I know what love is, this is how I know what love is

And as I sat there weeping, crying
Those beautiful eyes, full of desire and love

He said to me, “You shall love Me, You shall love Me
You shall love Me, You shall love Me”

With arms wide open, a heart exposed
With arms wide open, bleeding, sometimes bleeding

If anybody’s looking for love in all the wrong places
If you’ve been searching for love, come to Me, come to Me
Take up your cross, deny yourself
Forget your father’s house and run, run with Me
You were made for abandonment, wholeheartedness
You were made for someone greater, someone bigger, so follow Me
And You’ll come alive when you learn to die

Song: Artist: Album:

Arms Wide Open Misty Edwards Fling Wide

He Loves Us!

I am realizing how much God loves us. It is amazing! HE LOVE US! HE LOVES YOU! HE LOVES ME! He really loves me! I am realizing when all the past hurts were happening He was there keeping things from getting worse, protecting me from deeper pain. He was there! Holding me when I wept, He was there when my heart was breaking, he was there when my innocence was stolen from me, He was there when my baby died, He was there. He does care. Do I wish He had stepped in and stopped certain things from happening...oh heck yes. But ya know what, I wouldn't be the same person I am today! I would be able to minister to people who have and are walking through the same things I have walked through. You see what satan means for evil God means for good and He will get the glory! So today I chose to look upon the past and say God YOU TURNED IT AROUND! YOU TURNED IT AROUND! YOU TURNED IT AROUND! You shall get the glory! You will get my praise. Now matter how much my past hurts, my future is filled with joy. It is filled with your love! Thank You Jesus! Thank You Jesus!


Lyrics to How He Loves Us :

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane,
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
(x2)

Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves.
(x2)

We are His portion and
He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption
by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way


He loves us,
whoa, how He loves us
whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves
(x2)

Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves.

Yeah, He loves us
He loves us
He loves us
He loves.

Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves

He loves us,
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves

Lord be my Healer

For most of Dec. I was sick with strep throat and double ear infections. Was on antibiotics and steroids for 18 days. Started feeling better the Monday before Christmas and then that Wed just two days later got this terrible burning in my sinus cavity and woke up sick. Nasty sick; coughing, sneezing, runny nose, sore throat...all of it. Well it's been 2 weeks and I am still sick. Can I just say I am sick and tired of being sick. Anyway, tonight I decided enough is enough and started singing this song:

Healer

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus, You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You
Nothing is impossible for You

This is my prayer! I have been so stressed and this week has added to the stress...you see both of our blessing vehicles have decided to not be nice and have transmission issues...one is leaking and the other is skipping gears. Neither are good scenarios for us financially. That tax refund check that we know we will be getting can't come fast enough. So God if you are listening either fix the cars or get us those W-2 forms to us ASAP so we can do a fast return. Yes I talk to God like that. I don't need some ritual or formal prayer, He's my best friend and we talk all the time. Actually I think I do more talking than He does...or maybe He is talking and I just haven't heard Him because I have been so loud lately! If that's the case Lord forgive me for not listening to Your still small voice.
So I have the stress, the terrible cold, and now due to the stress my eye is twitching again. Had this same issue back at the beginning of the summer when we were trying to decide if we were going to move from IL to KY or not.
SO tonight my prayer is this song...

Searching for Jesus

The last week has just sorta flown by. My parents and one of my brothers and his family came to visit us for Christmas. It has been such a wonderful time for our family. But that's not what I really want to share about. Last Wednesday night was the church candle light service and children's play. It was amazing!!! Let me just say that right now, simply amazing!
But it was what happened before the service started that really caught my heart. You see we attend church with our best friends, Michael and Martha (Marty) Short. They have two children on autism spectrum as well. Their daughter, Lucy, bless her heart is very nervous and scared of large crowds of people and noise. Many children who are on the spectrum are. Well before service started it was rather chaotic in the sanctuary, we had people talking, hugging, laughing, kids moving around trying to prepare for the play, just nuts to be honest. As I was sitting there watching everything going on I saw Lucy pushing past people to get to the front. Now first of all that is HIGHLY unusual to even see her in the sanctuary and not upset by everything but there she was whispering about something I couldn't hear pushing past the people.
As I was watching her she went straight up to where the manger scene would be. By this time I was up walking towards her to help her if she were to get too scared by everything. That's when I noticed and heard what she was searching for. She went straight to the manager and was saying, "where is baby Jesus." "Where is baby Jesus?" She pushed past the people, past her fears, all in search of Jesus.
It has really had a profound affect on me and I have been pondering what I saw for the last week. How many times do we allow our fears to hinder us from finding Jesus in the midst of our circumstances? I guess the question is really for me..."what is stopping me from going forward and searching for Jesus in the midst of my (our) circumstances?" FEAR! Yes I said it, it's fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what will be asked of me, fear of the emotional or mental pain that may come about if I do find Him. Oh I know He is the God of peace and healing. But sometimes the pain of the healing process seems to great for me to face. Just being honest here!
I don't know if I want to walk through the process of pain to get to the healing. I know I need to face it, come to the reality of it and break through it. I just want the healing to take place and not the painful stuff that goes with it.
For the last couple of years I have been picking out a word to focus on for the year. First year it was perspective and last year it was focus. This year I am still praying about but I do believe I know what my word is going to be and I will share it in a few days. It's a word I am struggling with so I am not sure I really want to focus on that one word for the year or not.
Anyway, I want to challenge you as I am myself by asking you...Are you searching for the Baby Jesus this year? or are you allowing the pain to stop you? I shared this quote earlier this month and wanted to share it again...
“We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” –C.S. Lewis